A Clean Break
by TaintedButterfly
Summary: Written from Edward Cullen's Point of View. This fanfic centres around the thoughts and actions that led him to leave Bella. It is a little unfinished but I decided to submit it anyway for critique and criticism. So if you read this, please review.


AN: This is a fictional piece of work, written for _Danielle_, and is inspired by Stephanie Meyers book new Moon (second book in her Twilight series). All characters, setting and plot belong to her.

Written from the point of view of Edward Cullen. Centres around the thoughts and actions that led him to leave Bella.

Read and Enjoy!

Thankyou.

This is an unfinished piece so any criticisms are welcome.

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it."  
-- Norman Shwarzkopf, U.S. General

"A clean break will heal more quickly, more easily..."

-- Edward Cullen.

The wind blew in from the west, I felt its force on my glacial, hard skin but I couldn't feel how cold it was. The gibbous moon shone bright casting its scarce light over the world. I was aware of everything around me. My supernatural senses picked up the sounds of the mice foraging for food in the woods behind Bella' house, the rustle of leaves falling, leaving branches bare, as Autumn settled in, the gentle snuffling noises Charlie made when he was asleep. I listened carefully, for the most significant sound in my life: the sound of her heart. It was beating a gentle rhythm; a sound only conceived when she was asleep. I breathed a little easier knowing she was safe for the time being but I couldn't shake the terrible ominous thoughts from the back of my mind. Thoughts that persistently reminded me that she wouldn't remain safe if I was present in her life. Shaking my head to send those thoughts scattering, I crept in through her window soundlessly, covering the distance across her front lawn in mere seconds.

I watched her sleep, curled up to her side, her eyelids flickering. How I envied her. Ah, to fall asleep, to escape consciousness for a few hours to wake up refreshed, revived. But I never grew tired anyway. A consequence of my immortality.

As always my self control was tested for a moment. The thirst made me uncomfortable. How easy it would be to succumb to my less human desires. To lie down beside her and sink my teeth into her open neck. It would only take seconds for me to drain her blood. I clenched my hands, trying to get a psychical grip on myself.

And alongside my ever present thirst was my love for her. I couldn't even begin to describe the tide of emotion that swept over me every time I saw her. She was the light of my life, my one true love. How I had ever convinced myself I was happy before she came along I could not know. It was because of this that I could smother the less human desires. My thirst, and my love, two strong powerful desires running side by side in my blood, both struggling to get the upper hand. It amazed how time and time again my self control would not be denied. My love for her was intense.

It would probably have simplified things greatly had I given in. But I knew I couldn't bring myself to touch a hair on her head. I would be battling with myself, fighting to save her, even if I even tried to give in.

I had fooled myself into thinking Bella was a danger magnet, a klutz who needed my protection. If I was not around who else would be there to catch her when she falls, to safely help her gain her balance. But the real truth was that I was the danger. The harm in Bella's life. It was my very presence that was causing trouble in her life and preventing her from having a happy, safe, normal human life. The world I introduced her too was never meant for her.

The memory of the most recent dangerous situations in our lives is still fresh and is on a loop in my mind. With alarming clarity I can recall how quickly the situations changed. From celebrations to my worst nightmare. A paper cut was all it took to catch Jasper unawares, and then the slight, significant shift in his thoughts as he let for one horrible moment his thirst control his being,

I relive my own horror at Jasper's intentions become loud and clear. What if I hadn't reacted as quickly as I did? What if he had got a hold of her before I did? What then? I shudder at the thought of what would have become of my Bella. Just a snack, to satiate ever present thirst.

It is a matter of Right and Wrong. Was it right that I continually acted upon my selfish nature, remaining in my Bella's life, and putting her in danger? It was easy now to say that I should never have broken the rules in the first place. From the very beginning, when she had first arrived in Forks and tested the boundaries of my self-control I should have foreseen the danger in the situation and stayed away. But I was not Alice, able to see into future. My own arrogance brought me back. Just a girl, a _human_ girl, keep me from my own family? And by my own selfish desires I sought her company. She was too irresistible, too delectable for her own good. And it sure didn't help that she intrigued me in everyway...

And now is it wrong? Is it wrong for me to be here, when I love her so much? Had I a heart, it would ache; bleed with magnitude of my love.

And then the battle had started. This struggle, between right and wrong began. And I had thought that it was right for me to be here, to be with her.

I watch her sleep, her chest rises and falls, her breathing even.

"Edward..." Bella mutters, followed by a string of incomprehensible babble. I turn towards her, expectant but she rolls over to her side, and falls deeper in to her slumber.

I had always known what the right thing to do. Even now I knew I just did not know if I could bring myself to do it.

I would stay away. I would never again taint her life with my presence or that of my kind. Never again would her life be at mortal risk by our company. She would be free, free to be Bella, to be herself.

I could not think of a more self less act then to banish myself from her life. And though it caused me a terrible, aching sadness resemblant of the darkest, blackest kind of misery I knew there was no other way. My world in such close proximity to hers only managed to bring her to great harm, and could not have that. If she was ever to live out the full potential of her life expectancy then she had to do so without my interference, and the interference of my kind. And she deserved a chance at life, the life she would have no doubt led, had I not broken the rules in the first place.

I turned to look at her sleeping form one last time, committing it to memory before I stole out through her window, running in the direction of home to make the necessary arrangements.

--

Once I had made my decision I was strong in my conviction that this was the only morally acceptable action I could take. It was the altruistic thing to do. I could not go back. Although a little part of me stilled hoped for an alternative way, the future seems bleak indeed, the years stretching out before, a never ending nothingness. The more sensible part of me knows there is no other way. Other then, of course, if I were to change her... But I banished that option before my greedy selfish nature could snatch it and I could convince myself to go through the process.

Even though I knew that was what Bella wanted. She didn't yet understand the value of what she was giving up. She wouldn't understand till it was too late, and I refused to be the one responsible for taking that away from her. Bella deserved so much more, then to be condemned to a life with me.

It would require more creativity and talent then I had, surely Bella would see through my lies, her intuitive nature would pick up on it immediately. I talk myself through the motions, carefully rehearsing each step over and over till it's perfect. My expressions, my tone, my actions.

For a moment as I lead her towards the forest I wonder if I'll be able to go through with it. It suddenly seems like such an arduous task, too complicated. For all my rehearsing and acting, even with a hundred years of practise behind me she would she through it. I panic for a moment, carefully not meeting her eyes. My instinct tells me to run blindly. To take Bella into my arms and run as fast as I can, till I can't feel anything, till the world is a distant blur, even for my supernaturally sharp eyes. To escape this horrible nightmare.

I stop a few steps on the trail. It's now or never. I carefully slip on the mask I have carefully practised, to conceal my agitation. How I long to stroke her cheek, trail kisses along her neck. But there is only one way Bella will truly let go. I open my mouth and cause irrevocable damage.

"Bella we're leaving." I say the words sharp and clear so there is no confusion in my intentions. I block out her reaction. I try to see past her dumbfounded expression but her heart skips a beat and I am distracted.

"Bella I don't want you to come with me." I look away unable to witness the hurt and pain my lies were creating.

It was almost too easy. Bella did not question my deceptions. She seemed to believe me undoubtedly. The complete acceptance in her eyes was excruciating.

And then with the speed of light, I turn around and run letting my instinct over take me. I ran as fast as I can, leaving everything behind.

Leaving My Bella behind.


End file.
